One of the thing my years of study on abusive relationships has taught me is that many times, victims of abuse trap themselves in their destructive relationships because they try too hard to understand.  An example of this comes in some correspondence I recently received: “My boyfriend and I have lived together for nearly 5 years. He doesn’t fit the accepted profile of an “abuser.”  He isn’t jealous and doesn’t... 

Folks often ask me if Covert-Aggressive personalities (manipulators) and other disturbed characters really understand themselves or know what they’re doing.  I always reply that most of the time, such personalities know exactly who they are and what they’re up to.  This is something others find very hard to believe.  But to illustrate the point, I thought I’d reproduce a portion of an article I wrote about a year ago... 

Recently, someone introduced me to the US TV series Dexter, based on the novels of the same title. It’s about a psychopath (alt: sociopath) who works as a forensic scientist analyzing blood splatter patterns for a police department. The series has won several awards and garnered unusual viewer support for an independently-produced drama series. The main character, Dexter, is an intriguing study. He is no doubt a psychopath, and he is... 

In the process of writing my soon to be released book Character Disturbance (Parkurst Brothers Publishers - In Press, scheduled release: July 31, 2010), I assembled what experience has taught me are the most essential lessons a person must learn to develop a sound, responsible character.  The “ten commandments” of character are just one of the major features of my new book that address what has to occur in a person’s character... 

Occasionally, I get asked questions by blog readers that reflect the degree to which commonly accepted explanations for human behavior actually help make matters worse for people in relationships with disturbed characters.  Here is an example: I am in love with someone I believe must be a “commitment phobic.” I am not a psychologist nor am I in the medical field. But when my boyfriend flipped out on me for no apparent reason,... 

Manipulative people have always been with us.  Manipulation is a timeless problem, but it has also been increasing in prevalence over the years.  Many years ago, I started taking note of a certain kind of personality.  These people could be quite charming and appear benign but also could engage in some of the most ruthless, underhanded behavior.  They knew how to get the better of people.  Their victims were frequently caught unaware.... 

I get mail from readers of my first book In Sheep’s Clothing several times a week.  The comments are frequently quite similar but every now and then one stands out and inspires me to continue the work I’ve done for many years.  Recently, someone wrote: Dear Dr. Simon, I just finished reading your book, In Sheep’s Clothing. No words can express the gratitude that I have for this obvious manifestation of your love and... 

On one of the international blog sites that features my work, a woman commented: I have only recently realized that my elderly father is a covert-aggressive personality.  I spent so many years hating myself and feeling that others didn’t like me, including family members.  Knowing how I’d been duped has been a really hard realization to come to.  I always thought I had the “Leave it to Beaver life” yet I was... 

I recently received a note from a woman we’ll call “Dorothy” who found various blog posts I’ve written on disturbed characters helpful to her as she tried to understand a destructive relationship.  She wrote: Dear Dr.Simon, Thank you for your blog articles on Disturbed Characters. I just got out of a relationship with someone who I believe to have a character disorder. Often he would play the victim in everything... 

Recently, I received a question from a young woman that typifies similar questions I’ve been asked over the years.  I posted my answer on one of the international blogs featuring my work.  Here’s the post, including the question and my answer: I am a 21-year-old female, and I have a 19-year-old boyfriend. We have been together a little over 7 months. We are also in a long-distance relationship at the moment until he can get...