Persons with disturbed characters don’t act the way most of us do largely because they don’t think the way we do. They don’t hold the same values, harbor the same attitudes, or share the same core beliefs. Their way of thinking is often marked by a distorted perception of reality and a perverted sense of social responsibility. Their ways of thinking are always reflected in the ways they act. To a much lesser extent, their ways of thinking might be discernible from the things they say. Sometimes they believe the things they say with genuine conviction and with total obliviousness to the ways that most other people think about similar things. Other times, they might have started out only half-heartedly believing the lies they told themselves about the reality of situations, but after lying so often they began to believe their distorted perspectives. Sometimes, however, they’re very keenly aware of how most people would tend to think, but in their innate combativeness they resist submitting themselves to the perspective others want them to adopt and instead try to manipulate others into buying into their distorted point of view.  

For example, an habitual wife beater might very well know how society at large feels about violence toward women by abusive spouses. Nonetheless, they might try to justify their behavior by constantly complaining that most women are “bitches” and rightfully “have it coming” when they “disrespect” their husbands. This type of disturbed character might very well know how most people would look at the attitudes he harbors. Nonetheless, such a person might do all he could to convince another person to adopt this point of view — not so much because he seeks validation, but because if he can get someone else to at least agree with some part of his assertions, he can cast himself in a slightly more favorable light. Others then would see him as perhaps a misguided soul who simply “doesn’t get it” with respect to how to view women, as opposed to a person who “gets it” just fine but vehemently resists adopting this societal standard and wants to justify himself by convincing others to see things at least somewhat his way.

Sometimes disturbed characters will advance points of view that even they don’t really believe but which they want you to believe that they believe purely for the purpose of manipulation and impression management. For example, I’ve encountered many child molesters who tried to advance the notion that their inappropriate touching of their victim was not motivated by aberrant sexual desire but rather by a foolish or misguided attempt to “teach” the child about sexual behavior. This kind of thing always puts me in the position of having to ask myself: “Do they really believe what they’re saying?” What I learned is that most of the time, they did not believe what they were trying to assert. But they hoped that I would think that they did in fact believe what they were purporting to believe so that I would ascribe neither the appropriate degree of malevolence nor the correct motivation (e.g., sexual interest in a child) for their behavior. I might, for example, see them as an under-educated, poorly guided soul who made a stupid mistake instead of a predatory pedophile or a heartless psychopath.

In the upcoming series of posts, I’ll describe different types of distorted thinking patterns displayed by some of the most severely disturbed characters, beginning with one I call Egocentric Thinking.

I’ve been posting a series of articles on the “aggressive personalities.” This group of individuals is among the most seriously disordered in character of all the various personality types. Despite the fact that official diagnostic literature neither recognizes the inordinate predisposition for aggression as the core problem for such personalities nor recognizes the distinct differences between aggressive personality types, I have outlined what I believe to be the core attributes aggressive personalities in general as well as the major aggressive personality subtypes. I’ve written in more detail about the characteristics of the Unbridled Aggressive Personality as well as the Channeled-Aggressive Personality. (See “The Unbridled Aggressive Personality“ and “The Channeled-Aggressive Personality”.)

The Sadistic Personality is a relatively rare but very different aggressive personality subtype. It’s not uncommon for any aggressive personality to injure others in some way in their relentless, thoughtless, and untempered pursuit of their agendas. They want what they want and are willing to do whatever it takes to get it. And, what distinguishes aggressive personalities from assertive personalities is that aggressive personalities don’t particularly care about whether others get hurt in the process, nor do they take particular heed not to injure others. All that said, most aggressive personalities do not set out to hurt others. Their objective, purely and simply, is to get what they want. Contrarily, sadistic personalities have a primary agenda of hurting, degrading, demeaning, and inflicting agony upon others.

Sadists love to build themselves up at the expense of others. It makes them feel powerful to wield almost tyrannical influence over those they perceive as weaker or inferior. They derive pleasure from watching others cower, grovel, or struggle in one-down positions.  

When I was doing early research in the area of character disturbance, I happened to encounter the president of a small corporation who boasted to me quite frequently that he was aware that if he weren’t successful as a ruthless businessman, he would probably have ended up in prison for most of his life. He was well aware of his aggressive predispositions and the ruthless aggressiveness that permeated all of his interpersonal relations. One day I witnessed this man call a female subordinate into his office and begin to berate her in a most vicious fashion. The degree to which he brandished rage had me shaking a bit in my own boots. After he finished berating her, he warned her of dire consequences if she did not accede to his demands and then dismissed her.

As soon as the woman left the room he looked at me and began to smile and chuckle. He expressed that his pre-planned expression of rage was meant to instill fear in the woman and that he was sure she would be more conscientious about doing his bidding because of it. He also expressed disgust for her weakness. His deliberate use of rage when in fact he seemed in a jovial mood after the fact made me aware for the first time how rage can be used as a manipulation and control tactic and that it doesn’t have to arise out of genuine anger or hurt. The long self-aggrandizing speech this man then engaged in with me also let me know the degree to which he was willing to make his sense of his own power and worth dependent upon the degree to which he could make others feel powerless and worthless. This man was extremely adept at spotting fairly conscientious individuals in one-down positions in their lives who needed support and were willing to put up with his bullying behavior. He surrounded himself with these types of folks and relished opportunities to terrorize them.

Although Sadistic Personalities seem to be an increasing percentage of the aggressive personality types in prison settings, they do not appear to be very common in the general population. Nonetheless, they cause an inordinate amount of distress for those who happen to become entangled in some kind of relationship with them.

Traditional theories on personality development have always presumed that individuals like the sadistic personality became the way they are out of deep-seated feelings of inferiority or as a reaction to being themselves severely abused or demeaned as children. While it sometimes turns out that such things may be factors, there is no evidence to suggest that all such personalities have such characteristics in their background, although many will lie about it to engender the sympathy of others. Rather, it seems that the majority of these individuals simply consider themselves as superior to those whom they perceive as weak and take particular delight for pure entertainment’s sake in the torture of others.

We all know tough-minded, callous, driven people. These are the individuals determined to prosper, generally at someone else’s expense. For them, all that matters is taking care of number one. Stay out of their way, and you might never have a problem with them. Get in their way, and you might very well be “toast.” Insensitivity, disregard for boundaries, extreme competitiveness, and intolerance for weakness are the core characteristics of the aggressive personality subtype I call the channeled-aggressive personality (see my book In Sheep’s Clothing). These people ruthlessly strive for the dominant position in relationships and to win at all costs. They also don’t mind projecting their aggressive styles openly and proudly

Channeled-Aggressive personalities are not the same as those best described as having an assertive personality because they’re not particularly mindful of the potential impact of their behavior on others. They don’t mind it if others fear them or loathe them. They want everyone to know that they are a power to be reckoned with and have little regard for those whom they perceive to be less tenacious. They might even regard it as a perverted indication of respect if others cower in their presence. They are proud of their tenacity and lack of apprehension when it comes to taking on the challenges of life, and they ascribe to the firm belief that the spoils of life’s conflicts rightfully belong to those willing to do what it takes to be victorious. Unlike their unbridled aggressive personality counterparts, however, they do not lead habitual lives of crime or engage in frequent major social norm violations. Instead, channeled aggressive personalities generally direct their energies into social pursuits in which traits like the determination to win, tough-mindedness, fierce competitiveness, etc., are not only tolerated but often prized. But their self-restraint from criminality does not arise out of a well-developed conscience or a high degree of social concern.Rather, it arises out of a more pragmatic desire to avoid possibility of social sanction and loss of freedom or power.

The principal features of the Channeled-Aggressive character are:

• They are as interpersonally ruthless and heartless as any other aggressive character.
• They generally confine their aggressive interpersonal conduct to non-criminal activity.
• Although they place limits on their aggressiveness, their self-restraint is not so much based on social conscientiousness or a felt obligation to subjugate their wills to a higher authority, but rather a practical desire on their part 1) to avoid social sanctions that might potentially restrict their freedom and 2) to maintain a favorable social image.
• They will abort all controls (and consequently will break the law) when they are convinced they can successfully avoid detection or sanction or have amassed sufficient power, influence, and control in their relationships that they will not be challenged.
• They share the same narcissistic characteristics (e.g., sense of superiority, feelings of entitlement, self-centeredness, etc.) as the other aggressive personality subtypes.

Channeled Aggressive personalities gravitate toward situations in which they can amass power and exert control. They are often found in the ranks of law enforcement, military command, big business, contact sports, and politics. Some have the manipulative skill to favorably manage the impression of others and appear as true team players. In reality, however, they are a team unto themselves, always looking out for number one. Many times, they are respected for their ambition, drive, capability, and tenacity. They are just as often individuals who can seem great to work with as they are individuals who are clearly hell to work for. They are different from assertive characters because they are more tenacious and don’t pay much heed to how their actions might negatively affect others. They’re out to win, regardless of the cost or impact.

Channeled-aggressive personalities reveal themselves for the defective characters they are when they sense that they are likely to avoid detection and/or sanction for breaking the rules. When they feel reasonably assured that they will get away with it, they will not hesitate to cross an important boundary or exceed a crucial limit. Convinced that their latest laser and radar detector is the best on the market, they will take to the highway with reckless abandon, weave between cars, and prove to the world that they can shave at least 4 minutes off the time that other hapless commuters spend getting to work. Convinced that their corporate books are “cooked” so well that even the best accountants can’t find fault with them, they’ll exploit and pillage their companies, looking good in the process. So, it’s not that these types are really devoted to the rules. They are as much at odds with them as is any other aggressive character. And when they think it’s a sure bet that they won’t be detected or suffer, they won’t hesitate to break the rules. This remarkable lack of social conscience marks their principal character defect.

Unbridled aggressive personalities possess these basic characteristics:

• They view the world in terms of “me against them” and are at war with the social order.
• They resist recognizing or submitting themselves to a higher power or authority. They have little respect for rules, limits or boundaries.
• Although they will expend energy on their own behalf, they vehemently resist what others would call labors of love. They don’t like feeling obligated or taking on the burdens of a responsible life.
• They have irascible temperaments and low frustration tolerance. It takes very little to get them upset, and they will not subject themselves for very long to anything they find distasteful or unpleasant.
• They are remarkably sensation-seeking and risk-taking. Operating very much on the pleasure principle, they are constantly “chasing highs.”
• They have a remarkable imperturbability. They will do things most of us would get anxious or hesitant about and will persist in doing things despite numerous adverse consequences.
• They are extremely unwilling to delay gratification or to temper their impulses. Again, they lack internal “brakes.”
• As is true of all the aggressive personalities, they have many narcissistic characteristics as well, especially a sense of entitlement to do as they please without compunction.

They lack the internal self-monitoring mechanisms most of us have to propel us to do right and to refrain from doing wrong.

As is true of individuals with significant character disturbance, they are persons of highly deficient conscience. They lack the internal self-monitoring mechanisms most of us have to propel us to do right and to refrain from doing wrong. They might have some practical, after-the-fact regret for problems they cause themselves as a result of their undisciplined lifestyle, but they rarely experience genuine remorse for injury they cause others.

Research studies have found that some biologically-based predisposing factors contribute to the development of the characteristics described above. Indeed, there appears even to be a genetically-based predisposition toward anti-sociality per se. That is not to say that all of these characters are simply born the way they are. There are constitutional predispositions for sure, but environment and learning play roles, too. Nor is it right to assume that such disturbed personalities are necessarily a product of a bad environment. For a long time, we thought that adverse rearing conditions (abuse, conflict, abandonment, etc.) were the causes of this type of personality development. We now know that some of the most antisocial individuals were well cared for and raised as children. So, it’s always a mix of both, and the degree to which nature or nurture has played the stronger role in someone’s personality development varies from individual to individual.

In my many years of work with disordered characters, I found the aggressive personalities to be the most troubling. It was also literally impossible to work with them and foster any meaningful change using the traditional methods I’d been taught, despite the fact that I had deliberately chosen training that was extremely eclectic in orientation. It was not until I refined my own style of true cognitive-behavioral therapy that I found a way to foster genuine change in such individuals. Eventually, I was even able to fashion programs that were adopted in several settings in which unbridled aggressive personalities were abundant (e.g., prisons, probation programs, etc.).

The most troubling aspect of working with them initially, however, was that despite the fact that even they would agree that their lives were a true shipwreck, they persisted in the same old behaviors that got them into trouble time after time. It had been traditionally assumed that the reason they seemed to fail to learn what most of us wanted them to learn from life’s experiences, was that they simply lacked insight. So, insight-oriented therapies tried to help them “see” the error of their ways. Of course, these days we know a little better than that. And, as I have posted before, as is the case with all disturbed characters, a lack of insight is not the issue. What really began making a difference was targeting directly the maladaptive aggressive behavior pattern and the equally disturbing attitudes and thinking patterns that accompanied it and sometimes fostered it. Directly confronting the heart of their pathology — their uninhibited aggressive style — was the beginning of making a difference.

Researchers in the areas of personality and character disturbance have long recognized that there is a fairly substantial group of highly disturbed characters at the center of most abusive relationships and who pose the greatest threat to social order.  These are the pathological fighters among us who resist all attempts to socialize them.  There are several different aggressive personality types.  Yet, until very recently the official diagnostic manual of mental disorders only recognized one small subtype of these personalities as disordered. The manual still confers the “disorder” status basically to career criminals and even fails to distinguish or recognize the most severely disturbed character — the psychopath (alt: sociopath) as a distinct personality type. In the next several posts, I’ll be exploring the defining characteristics of a group of personality types that I call the aggressive personalities. Not all of the aggressive personalities engage in criminal behavior, but all pose problems for relationships and society. I’ll explain what character traits the aggressive personalities have in common that make them so problematic as well as outline the defining characteristics the various aggressive personality subtypes possess that make each subtype a uniquely disordered character.

In my book, In Sheep’s Clothing, I make the point that it is erroneous to equate human aggression with violence  I also describe the many modalities of aggressive behavior.  For some individuals, their style of relating to others and the world at large (i.e. their personality) is primarily defined by their predispositon for aggressive conduct.  The aggressive personalities are individuals whose overall “style” of interacting involves considerable, persistent, maladaptive aggression expressed in a variety of ways and in a wide range of circumstances and there are several varieties of this personality type.

All of the various aggressive personalities possess characteristics common to narcissistic personalities. Indeed, there are some theorists who tend to view the aggressive personalities as merely aggressive variations of the narcissistic personality. One of the aggressive personality subtypes is principally defined by the fact that they are narcissistic to the most pathological extreme. But the principal distinguishing characteristic of the aggressive personalities is not so much their narcissism, but rather their penchant for aggression. The various aggressive personality subtypes have more in common with one another than they have differences between them. Their common characteristics are:

• They actively seek the superior or dominant position in any relationship or encounter. There is a saying in the real estate business that there are three things that really matter: location, location, and…location. With aggressive personalities, there are three things that really matter regardless of the situation they’re in: position, position, and…of course, position!
• They abhor submission to any entity that one might view or conceptualize as a “higher power” or authority. They are fundamentally at war with anything that stands in the way of their unrestrained pursuit of their desires. That often means the rules, dictates and expectations of society. Some will accede to or give assent to demands placed on them when it is expedient to do so, but in their heart of hearts they never truly subordinate their wills.
• They are ruthlessly self-advancing, generally at the expense of others. They actively and deliberately seek to exploit and victimize others when to do so will further their own ends. Whereas the narcissist simply doesn’t consider the rights or needs of others, the aggressive character tramples the rights and needs of others to satisfy their own desires.
• They have a pathological disdain for the truth. Aggressive characters don’t just disregard the truth, they’re actively at war with it. Truth is the great equalizer, and the aggressive personality always wants to maintain a position of advantage. So, they deliberately play very loose with the truth when they’re not flat out lying to con or dupe you. They don’t want you to “have their number.” That upsets the balance of power.
• They lack internal “brakes.” They don’t arrest themselves when they’re on their missions. Like a rolling train with no means to stop, they exercise little control over their impulses.

They view life as a combat stage, with every event in life having only four possible outcomes:

1. I win, you lose.
2. You win, I lose.
3. I win, you win.
4. I lose, you lose.

Their greatest desire is for the first possible outcome. They like it best when they win and you lose. For them, this is the clearest indication that they have emerged the victor in a contest and have secured the dominant position. Contrarily, they abhor the notion that you might win and they will lose. They will resist this potential outcome with every fiber in their body. Such an outcome puts them in the inferior or subordinate position, which they detest. Aggressive characters will reluctantly but not so graciously accept win-win outcomes. That is, they’ll stop warring with you if they think they’ve achieved some sort of victory out of the encounter, even if you also get something you want. Tragically, if it becomes clear that they are most certainly headed for defeat, aggressive characters often won’t go down easily. They often want to take someone else with them. It takes some of the sting out of defeat.

There’s a lot more that can be said about the aggressive personalities. I hope this post stirs some good discussion. It would be helpful to have a much deeper understanding aggressive personalities in general before moving into a discussion about the various subtypes and their unique characteristics.

Disturbed characters who bully manipulate others by keeping them on the defensive and making them so afraid of possible negative repercussions that they don’t dare go against their wishes.  Sometimes, manipultors will brandish intense anger and rage, not so much because they’re really that angry, but because they want their victims to be so terrorized that they dare not do anything but cave in to their demands.  That doen’t mean that victims should take the rageful behavior of their tormentors lightly, it simply means that they have to recognize that their probably in a relationship with a person who will stop at nothing to get his or her way.  

Individuals who frequently use bullying as a manipulation tactic are among the least likely to change their modus operandi.  That’s because in addition to being an effective tactic of manipulation, such hard-headed combativeness is also a primary way the disturbed character avoids any kind of submission to a higher authority or standard of conduct.  Those who refuse to subjugate themselves to anything wage a constant war against the internalization of standards and controls that make most of us civilized.  Suffice it to say that the best idea is to not remain in any kind of relationship with a person willing to engage in such behavior.  

Folks who are quick to go on the offensive in this very calculated way whenever they face resistance are not likely to take a good look at themselves or the healthiness of their way of doing things.  Their combative stance also blocks any chance that they will internalize a more pro-social a standard of self-conduct. 

Individuals who are in relationships with persons who use the tactic of covert-intimidation often are at high risk that the relationship will be abusive, exploitive or both.  I’ve been posting on some of the more frequent tactics disturbed characters use to manipulate and control others.  Observing the frequency with which a person uses these tactics should give you some good insight into the nature of their character and how likely you are to have any kind of healthy relationship with them.