As I described in my last post (see “What Were They Thinking? - Part 2”), persons with disturbed characters don’t act the way we do largely because they don’t think the way we do.   Stanton Samenow was among the early researchers to catalog the distorted thinking patterns or “errors in thinking” which some of the most severely disturbed characters (those with criminal records) display. Over the years, I’ve adapted and modified... 

One of the central tenets of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is that there is an inextricable relationship between a person’s core beliefs, the attitudes those beliefs have engendered, and the ways the person’s attitudes prompt him or her to to behave in various situations. Each element of the triad of thinking patterns-attitudes-behaviors generally has a reinforcing effect on the others and contributes greatly to an individual’s... 

As I have indicated in a prior post, Lying is one of the many tactics by which a person avoids taking responsibility for behavior while simultaneously attempting to manipulate or manage the impression of others.  It’s one of the most common, habitual tactics used by individuals with a disorder or disturbance of character.   In my prior posts, I’ve talked about what my experience working with disturbed characters has taught... 

When you confront a manipulator or any disturbed character about their behavior, they will often attempt to sidestep the issue or to avoid the subject altogether.  They want to keep the spotlight off their problematic behaviors.  They also don’t want their true character to be exposed or to be put on the spot (i.e. caught momentarily without a good offensive strategy for taking advantage of another).  So, they are quick to dodge... 

The disturbed character is forever trying to trivialize important matters.  He tries to convince folks that the wrongful thing he did wasn’t really that bad or harmful.  He might admit part of what he did wrong, but usually not the most serious part.  Disordered characters use the tactic of minimizing to manage the impression others have of them.  It’s a way to manipulate others into thinking they’re not so bad despite... 

“Denial” has traditionally been conceptualized as an ego defense mechanism.  In other words, it’s been presumed that when a person denies the reality of a situation, they do so unconsciously because the reality is simply too painful to bear.  But when disturbed characters engage in denial, they’re generally not in a state of psychological unawareness prompted by a deep inner pain about who they are or what they have... 

Disordered characters are forever blaming their misbehavior on someone or something else, and skilled manipulators can make you think that somehow it’s your fault that they did whatever they did to hurt you.  Confront them on how hurtful it was that they cheated on you and they will blame your lack of attentiveness, your failure to be avaiable and responsive whenever they felt in the mood, etc.  Confront them on their lack of... 

Manipulators always have an answer for the hurtful things they do.  No matter what you confront them about, they’ll offer an excuse that seems to justify their behavior.  When manipulators rationalize, it’s not the same as when a person of generally good conscience tries to assuage that conscience by finding reasons to think what they did wasn’t really that bad when they’ve done something wrong.  Rather, when... 

The “problems” neurotics experience often stem from emotional conflicts that rage deep within their unconscious minds.  They’re typically unaware of what’s at the root of the “symptoms” they report.  If a woman already knew that the unexplained funk she’d been in lately was related to her suppressed feelings of grief and loss that just happened to be re-surfacing on the “anniversary” of her mother’s... 

People often get manipulated because they misjudge the character of their manipulator.  We have a tendency to want to see everyone else as basically pretty much like us.  We want to think that they think the same way, care about the same things, and feel the same way we do.  But individuals with disturbed characters are very different from most people, especially those who tend to be neurotic.    In prior posts, I’ve highlighted...