Folks often ask me if Covert-Aggressive personalities (manipulators) and other disturbed characters really understand themselves or know what they’re doing.  I always reply that most of the time, such personalities know exactly who they are and what they’re up to.  This is something others find very hard to believe.  But to illustrate the point, I thought I’d reproduce a portion of an article I wrote about a year ago... 

A while back, I received the following letter from Jane in Oregon: I read your book In Sheep’s Clothing for the first time and really liked it.  I am also happy to say that I have found your website and other blogs that feature your work and have read many of your articles. I recognize myself as a kind of “neurotic” person like you describe and the man I’m dating as a disturbed character.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t... 

Manipulative people have always been with us.  Manipulation is a timeless problem, but it has also been increasing in prevalence over the years.  Many years ago, I started taking note of a certain kind of personality.  These people could be quite charming and appear benign but also could engage in some of the most ruthless, underhanded behavior.  They knew how to get the better of people.  Their victims were frequently caught unaware.... 

Recently, I received the following inquiry from a blog reader that fairly well summarizes the kinds of issues many therapists face today when trying to help people with their life’s difficulties: I don’t know what I should do.  I’m in love with a married man.  He has  kids from both in and outside of his marriage. My mom can’t accept even the thought of him being with me. I do realize the problems we’d face... 

I get mail from readers of my first book In Sheep’s Clothing several times a week.  The comments are frequently quite similar but every now and then one stands out and inspires me to continue the work I’ve done for many years.  Recently, someone wrote: Dear Dr. Simon, I just finished reading your book, In Sheep’s Clothing. No words can express the gratitude that I have for this obvious manifestation of your love and... 

On one of the international blog sites that features my work, a woman commented: I have only recently realized that my elderly father is a covert-aggressive personality.  I spent so many years hating myself and feeling that others didn’t like me, including family members.  Knowing how I’d been duped has been a really hard realization to come to.  I always thought I had the “Leave it to Beaver life” yet I was... 

Recently, I received a question from a young woman that typifies similar questions I’ve been asked over the years.  I posted my answer on one of the international blogs featuring my work.  Here’s the post, including the question and my answer: I am a 21-year-old female, and I have a 19-year-old boyfriend. We have been together a little over 7 months. We are also in a long-distance relationship at the moment until he can get... 

I’ve been posting a series of articles on the types of distorted thinking patterns or “thinking errors” individuals who have significant disturbances of character often exhibit.  We’re nearing the conclusion of this series, which has featured a fair number of the more common problematic thinking patterns including: unreasonable thinking, egocentric thinking, external thinking, hard-luck thinking, egomaniacal thinking, hedonistic... 

My recent posts have addressed several of the erroneous or distorted ways that disordered characters tend to think.  The “thinking errors” disturbed characters engage in lead to the formation of irresponsible and antisocial attitudes which in turn lead to behaviors that cause problems in relationships with others.  Some of the topics we’ve already discussed in this series of posts include the tendency of disordered characters... 

I’ve been posting on the topic of character disturbance not only on this blog, but on other international blogs.  Readers from across the globe have offered several intriguing comments and questions. Because I think a robust discussion on this topic is so important, I’d like to address some of the issues raised in this post. One comment I was particularly struck by was from Sarah: “Freud’s was the dominant form of thinking and...