The most severely disordered characters will often make direct threats or even carry them out as a way of keeping others in line.  Skilled manipulators, however, are expert at making more subtle, implied or veiled threats to intimidate others into seeing or doing things their way.  Sometimes a veiled threat can be no more than a particular “look” or a glance.  Sometimes it’s imbedded not so much in what someone says or... 

The disturbed character is forever trying to trivialize important matters.  He tries to convince folks that the wrongful thing he did wasn’t really that bad or harmful.  He might admit part of what he did wrong, but usually not the most serious part.  Disordered characters use the tactic of minimizing to manage the impression others have of them.  It’s a way to manipulate others into thinking they’re not so bad despite... 

“Denial” has traditionally been conceptualized as an ego defense mechanism.  In other words, it’s been presumed that when a person denies the reality of a situation, they do so unconsciously because the reality is simply too painful to bear.  But when disturbed characters engage in denial, they’re generally not in a state of psychological unawareness prompted by a deep inner pain about who they are or what they have... 

Disordered characters are forever blaming their misbehavior on someone or something else, and skilled manipulators can make you think that somehow it’s your fault that they did whatever they did to hurt you.  Confront them on how hurtful it was that they cheated on you and they will blame your lack of attentiveness, your failure to be avaiable and responsive whenever they felt in the mood, etc.  Confront them on their lack of... 

Manipulators always have an answer for the hurtful things they do.  No matter what you confront them about, they’ll offer an excuse that seems to justify their behavior.  When manipulators rationalize, it’s not the same as when a person of generally good conscience tries to assuage that conscience by finding reasons to think what they did wasn’t really that bad when they’ve done something wrong.  Rather, when... 

Like most disturbed characters, manipulators are skilled liars.  Most people, however can’t understand why such people lie so much, especially when it seems to serve no purpose.  Some have even referred to repeat bashers of the truth as “pathological liars,” presuming that they have some kind of mental illness that makes them want to lie even when there doesn’t appear to be good reason to do it.  Disordered characters... 

In prior posts, I’ve written about some of the major differences between neurotic personalities and disordered characters (they differ on such major issues as anxiety, shame, guilt, and conscience).  You can read more of these comparisons as part of a series I’m doing for another blog.  That series began with a post that pointed out the failure of traditional psychology to provide an accurate framework for understanding... 

The “problems” neurotics experience often stem from emotional conflicts that rage deep within their unconscious minds.  They’re typically unaware of what’s at the root of the “symptoms” they report.  If a woman already knew that the unexplained funk she’d been in lately was related to her suppressed feelings of grief and loss that just happened to be re-surfacing on the “anniversary” of her mother’s... 

Disordered characters don’t feel shame like neurotics do.  Although pop psychology has given shame a bad name, the ability to feel it is a mark of good character.  I wrote recently about how neurotic individuals and disturbed characters differ greatly on the issue of guilt.  Guilt and shame are related.  Guilt is the bad feeling we get about something we’ve done.  Shame feeling badly about who we are.  It’s when... 

People often get manipulated because they misjudge the character of their manipulator.  We have a tendency to want to see everyone else as basically pretty much like us.  We want to think that they think the same way, care about the same things, and feel the same way we do.  But individuals with disturbed characters are very different from most people, especially those who tend to be neurotic.    In prior posts, I’ve highlighted...